Secrets and Lies

An extraordinary blogger that I do my best to follow posted something last night that was very timely, as secrets and lies have been on my mind quite a lot lately. There is something about going to my wellness group that reminds me of the secret life I live, and that keeping secrets is a form of lying. I feel like I am lying daily to the world, my daughter, my husband, and myself. I started blogging many years ago because the secret life needed to come out. Over the years, I've made private vows to myself to be more and more revealing. I have two motivations for this: helping myself, and helping others who are struggling with similar issues.

The problem with depression is that it's one of the things that no one talks about. It's on the news and the internet a lot now, so it's in the public eye so much more than just ten years ago. I'm sure Oprah and Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz have had multiple shows about it. But how deeply can you delve into depression with a paragraph on a news site, 30 seconds on the news, or even an hour on a television health show? And how easy is it to just tune out? If you do read/watch the entire thing, how long does it sit with you, this whitewash version of a living hell experienced by so many on a daily basis? Does it sit with you long enough to ask yourself who in your life may be hiding this secret life out of absolute terror of discovery?

I'm telling you that you know someone with depression. I'm here to tell you that you know someone living with a secret/lie.

I'm here to tell you that being discovered is not the end of the world. Telling your secret changes everything, it's true. But the biggest change is how it will change your thinking. Imagine living a life where you are not lying all the time. Imagine how much calmer your inner monologue will be, without all that buzzing anxiety and fear. Imagine how much more you can accomplish if half of your energy isn't tied up in strategizing the best ways to keep your secret. Imagine being able to live your life for your future, rather than constantly remembering the past as you worry about the now. I can't say it will be easier. I can't say it will be better. It will be different. But you can adjust to that. I will say that this adjusting is far easier than you've convinced yourself it would be to live a life in the open.

Some of us have dangerous secrets, and to you I say that your life is important, you are important, so stay safe. To all the people in hiding, I say you are important, and I wish I could hug each and every one of you right now. To those of you who have no idea that someone you love is living a lie, I say reach out and hug someone today. In fact, make it a point to hug everyone you love. Human contact is enormously healing, just try it and see. If you're not a "hugger", it's time you learn to change that. Humans are social animals who thrive on communication and physical interaction, and the easiest, quickest way to express caring for another person is through touch. If you give yourself a moment to relax into it, you will realize you are healing yourself too.

As for myself, I'm here to say that I am not just a Pessimist Mommy. I am a depressed mommy. I carry my depression with me like an invisible jacket of immense weight. And I personally apply new invisible paint to my burden on a regular basis. But there's no way to throw this thing off with all that invisible cover-up. There's no way to get better if I don't acknowledge it. There's no way to get help if I don't ask.

Finally, another caution: this post isn't a plea to be fixed. I am not asking for advice or solutions or even help. I merely beg for acceptance. I only seek to be understood. All those people out there living like this, they can only help themselves. You can't fix them, so please don't try. What you can do is lift them up. Listen to them, seek to understand them, cherish them. Make it known that you care. That is the best gift you can ever give.