Email: 2nd Trimester Update

Hi everybody.

First things first: there's some confusion about who has been told about the pregnancy, so if this email is a surprise... Surprise! I'm pregnant! *blush*

Our keiki (Hawaiian for baby/child) is 118 days along today (11/18/11). There are so many different ways to track the age, so here are some other figures for you: Lunar Month 5 has just begun, it's Lunar week 17, it's LNMP week 19. I call that last one "Doctor Math", because it automatically ages your baby by 2 weeks, counting the pregnancy from the date of your Last Known Menstrual Period. Most women don't know the exact day of conception, so Doctor Math is for them. We know exactly how old the little keiki is (a perk of in-vitro), so I like to count the days. But wait! There's one last method: Estimated Due Date (EDD) fluctuates as they determine the "correct age" of the fetus through physical measurements via ultrasound. My due date so far has been pushed back from April 15th to the 17th, but this week's ultrasound aged her differently again, so I'm expecting them to change the EDD once more.

I am not making this up! O.o

So the ultrasound this last Tuesday went well, with the shadowy blob looking much bigger and more baby-like than ever before. She has been quite bouncy during all her past ultrasounds, but this time she was just lounging and waving. Yes, I said she. We're going to have a little girl, and her brain, neck, arms, legs, hands and feet look just fine.

I am yet another statistic reinforcing the "theory" that lots of morning sickness means you're having a girl.

Yes, there has been LOTS of morning sickness. It was a very rough 1st Trimester - more like 24/7 sickness with a day off here and there. I lost 10 pounds. I mostly missed the leaves turning. I have been a shut-in, hovering near my bed and the toilet. Facebook and blogging and my jewelry business have all been sorely neglected.

So far the 2nd Trimester has been not much fun either, but I'll take sick half the time over 90% of the time thank you very much! My appetite is better, when it's there. Most foods still sound disgusting. Between the finicky eating and rebounding into sickness, I'm maintaining this lower weight - and for once that's a bad thing.

Well, that's all that's coming to mind right now. After two and a half good days, today is starting off as a nausea day. Blah.

If you have any questions, feel free to email or call. I still hate the phone though, so email is preferred.

Oh, it looks like I forgot a few exclamations in there, so here ya go:

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mysie

ps: I have been threatened multiple times with people's intentions to "pink bomb" the baby with lots of pink frilly stuff. Do what you must, but her color scheme is going to be pastels, mostly green and purple. This matches the "classic Pooh" motif, as well as turtles. Yes, I've already picked a Totem Animal for my kid.

Update Hijacked by Optimistic Pessimism

Another month of miserable has slowly marched by. From time to time, I have thought about updating, and even thought I had something to say once or twice, but alas... pregnancy sucks. I know one of the things that has been on my mind was the title of this new blog, and had I yet explained my choice? Or validated it properly? If I'm going to call these the Pessimist Mommy Diaries, shouldn't I constantly be talking about pessimism? I don't have the energy to go back and read the earlier entries to answer these questions, so I'll just say this: I've recently been taken aback by how much more pessimistic and negative I have become, and so have begun examining this with the goal to change myself into more of the kind of person I would like to be. In light of the pregnancy, this task has become even more important. I'm always going to be a pessimist, there's no doubt there! But I think it's important, as an expectant mother, to rediscover my whimsy and hope and optimism and calm and confidence and happiness and just... some measure of lightness in my mind and on my shoulders.

So perhaps I should call this blog something like "Optimist-in-Training Mommy"? Well, that would be like tying on an apron and calling myself Martha Stewart. It's bullshit, and it's not gonna happen! Plus, there is just no misplacing my snark. Happy or unhappy, I amuse myself with my snarkiness, and hope to amuse others in the process. If I amuse others, awesome; if I miraculously awaken a sense of kindred spirit between us, brilliant; if I make you uneasy or upset, fuck you!

FYI, Pessimist Mommy swears. It is an ingrained part of my character, so it's not going anywhere. Woe is me if I don't learn to curb it around the keiki - hubby might finally take to beating me. //disgruntled muttering//

I do have a few plans for the blog, in hope of keeping the snark and the humor and the parenthoodness all at the forefront so that I remain relevant. A few months ago I had the idea that I should be capturing these little moments in my life that are so amusing to me for all their negativity. I was going to create a side-blog, and call it "Laughing in Disbelief". Instead, I think I'm just going to make that a blog category, and work on capturing those moments in a timely fashion for once, documenting them here for the sake of posterity and insanity. It seems every day I have these moments of shaking my head in wonder at the universe's ability to drop anvils on my head, and yet, I can never remember them properly later when I want to share them with others. I think trying to commit them to paper, or blog, should be an interesting task.

I also want the blog to be about truth. More than anything, I want this to be a place to reveal things about my life's challenges in the hope that others in my shoes can find it and feel some sort of comfort in knowing they are not alone. This has always been important to me when blogging, but in the past it was very much about hashing out every mistake and torturous thought, a sort of masochism of the soul. I want this blog to be personal, yes, but  I want it to be more helpful and forward-thinking, instead of floundering and just spouting out everything negative. I don't want to use this blog to re-examine failed relationships or go on and on about my depression. Instead, I want to talk about my health issues, my doubts, my goals, my triumphs, the things that I learn... in a way that shines a spotlight on unseen or overlooked issues, shows progression in my life, shows positive changes being made or being strived for. I will talk about relationships and depression, but with a purpose.

One thing I definitely want to focus on now that the First Trimester of Horror is under my belt, is that idea of putting a spotlight on the unusual complications/events/issues during pregnancy. I think I may have to create a category for "Pregnancy T.M.I." - a label to give a heads up that a Too Much Information situation is being discussed. Pregnancy is not pretty, but no one wants to talk about that. There's talk of glowing and nesting. Yes, the entire world knows what Morning Sickness is, and most people have heard of feet swelling and frequent urination and backpain and feeling fat. But most pregnancies don't include "Morning" sickness, because it's really Pregnancy Sickness: the nausea and vomiting can strike at any time. For some of us, it strikes all the time. Then there are the scary things: bleeding, cramping, suspicion of miscarriage, malnutrition and weight loss, genetic testing, exams with inconclusive or negative results. No one wants to talk about the icky or the unsettling parts of pregnancy, until it's 4 am and they are desperately googling any tidbit of information they can find about how to determine if you're having a miscarriage.

For now though, I'm going to call it a night. I seem to have distracted myself out of a bout of dark-o-thirty nausea, but also run my poor little brain into the ground. I've got no more words left. Hopefully more will pop up sooner, although I'm sure it will be later. Oh look, Optimist-in-Training-Mysie and Pessimistic-Bitch-Fest-Mysie just shared a moment. 1,2,3... d'awwwwwwww!