OB/GYN anyone?

It's time to find an obstetrician - wheeeeeee!

I met with my therapist yesterday, and we talked mostly about the pregnancy. She was very helpful in explaining the logistics of choosing an OB and a birthing center. Oh for the days when my mother simply saw the family physician, and then he met her at the only hospital when it was time to deliver! Living in Seattle, there are a bazillion doctors to choose from, and a fair number of conventional (hospital) birthing centers. No, I will not be having a home birth, a water birth, or a midwife. A doula is a possibility. More importantly, I want to be at a facility that is easy to get to, that can have my epidural prepped within 30 seconds of my arrival, that has a surgery center on the same floor just in case, and a neo-natal unit only steps away.

But mostly it's about the drugs, in all honesty. I have been terrified of childbirth since I was a little girl. Not other people's childbirth or the birthing itself per se, but of the pain. I am consistently an enormous wimp when it comes to pain, especially the anticipation of it. I seriously considered adoption for a few years when I realized I wanted to become a mother - simply to avoid giving birth.

A few months ago I saw an episode of some Lifetime or Bravo show about a woman who consults as a... hand-holder for pregnant woman. Never seen it before or since, so I have no idea what it was called. I was very surprised that the very first time I hear about this show, the episode features a woman who is quite literally phobic about her own impending childbirth. Especially the needles. I was sooo sympathetic to that poor woman. I used to be very bad with needles. Being poked every day for months on end has almost completely eliminated my panic attacks. Things got very sketchy last week at a blood draw where the lab tech couldn't find a vein and spent minutes digging in my arm to find one...

But it also gave me some hope, because I could see that although I could relate, I knew that I wasn't quite as terrified as she was - and she survived! Still, I am soooo not thinking about that epidural right now. I want the drugs, but not the giant needle in my spine.

But back to the "process" of selecting a facility and a doctor. I'm pretty sure which birthing center I'm going to choose, but the doctor...? Do I have to use the doctors on their website exclusively or what? Well, apparently there is a system in place that means not all doctors can work at all hospitals. A doctor has to be registered to work at that location. Good news, each doctor can be registered at all sorts of different locations. Bad news, doctors don't seem to want to advertise which ones they can work at. So while it's possible to have a doctor at one location who will be able to go to a different location for the childbirth, it is just easier to pick a doctor you already know is assigned to the birthing center you would like. I suppose if you had very strong recommendations for a particular doctor, you could choose the doctor first and use whatever hospital s/he works at. But Seattle traffic is a bitch, so I'm making my decision based on location. Lucky for me, the place nearby seems to be very well reviewed.

Also, my therapist was able to recommend a specific doctor based on my personality, since her office is at the same campus and she has regular conversations with most of them! She actually ranked the top 4 she thought I would like, going down a list of names and faces, making comments on why I would like each one. It was very amusing when her finger landed on a certain doctor and she said, "You wouldn't get along with him at all."

Now I just have to combat my phone phobia and make an appointment!

Perfect Parenting 101

It's completely normal for babysitting to make you feel like you're going to be a shit parent, right?

don't scream, ignore inappropriate behavior

don't laugh, ignore

don't cry, ignore

don't say stop doing that, remind what should be done instead

don't tell, ask

don't force, offer unappealing alternatives

model appropriate behavior, don't make them do it exactly the way that you do

inspire creativity, don't let your skill level intimidate

don't force the conversation, listen to the silence

don't say "need" when you mean "want"

don't command when you can ask

don't suggest when you can entice

don't do it for them, offer to do it for them

don't hover, but pay attention

don't give in, but be nice

be firm and kind, but not intermittently

negative enforcement hurts the child, intermittent reinforcement hurts your credibility, positive enforcement can be done without hurting the waistline

distraction and redirection work wonders, when they work

violence causes scars, calm voices can prevent them

if you're doing it wrong, ask how you should be doing things instead

if you're slandered, don't respond in kind

if you don't understand, ask

if you're not answered, wait and then ask it again differently

when overwhelmed, seek distance

when angry, seek peace

running out of the house like a screaming lunatic is cathartic, but limit to once a week

keiki on the way

Oh hey, guess what? I'm pregnant! Here's our first baby picture:

Why is the new scanner being such a brat? The actual image is so much clearer (and lighter) than that!

Today our little keiki is 24 days old! Today it will grow arm & leg buds, it will be about the size of a grain of rice, and the heart has already started beating!

keiki is the Hawaiian word for "kid" (think cake-y), a word I've always loved. I looked up the Hawaiian word for baby and since keiki is an acceptable option, and is better than pepe or kama, baby's nickname is going to be "keiki" for awhile. Small "k". Don't want to start thinking that is the actual name.

Speaking of Hawaiian... being pregnant is bringing back more words I didn't realize that I knew.

hapai (hu-pie) - pregnant; also "hapai banana" refers to a certain local tour company's busses...
wahine (wa-he-nay) - female
kane (ka-nay) - male
okole (oh-koh-lay) - baby's bottom
opu (oh-poo) - stomach
kaka (ka-ka) - shit
shishi (she-she) - pee; also "go make shishis" means urinate
ukus (oo-koos) - head lice
ali'i (ah-lee-ee) - Hawaiian ruling class of royalty
kapu (kah-poo) - forbidden
heiau (hey-ow) - temple, holy place
menehune (may-nay-hoo-nay) - small, magical trickster people, similar to Irish Leprechauns
hele hele (heh-lay heh-lay) - literally go go, it means "let's go already!"
pau (pow) - finished
ono (oh-no) - yummie!
mauka (mauw-kah) - mountainside, uphill
honu - the Hawaiian green sea turtle
nene (nay-nay) - the state bird, the Hawaiian goose
Ohana (oh-hah-nah) - family
kaukau (cow-cow) - food, "The kaukau at the luau included laulau."
opihi (oh-pee-hee) - dome-shaped sea snails that are often harvested with a knife right off the rocks at a beach and immediately eaten raw
haupia (how-pee-a) - yummie coconut pudding jell-o!
laulau (lau-lau) - yummie steamed packet of mixed meats rolled in ti leaves
kalua pig (kah-loo-ah pig) - an entire pig steam-roasted with hot rocks in a buried pit for many hours
imu (ee-moo) - a pit that is digged up to be filled with football sized rocks and wood set afire to heat the rocks, the rocks are then buried to heat up more for a few hours. Then the rocks are uncovered, some set aside, the remainder covered in a bed of burlap bags and lots of ti leaves to hold packets of laulau and bananas and an entire pig. The reserved rocks are stuffed into the pig for better cooking, more burlap and leaves cover the whole lot, then the pit is reburied. Food is cooked for at least 12 hours. The entire process takes about an entire day and night.

Here's some pidgin for you:
stay - English word, substitute for "am or is", ie: "I stay sad." (I am sad.) Or everyone's favorite "I stay going already!" (I'm going already, sheesh!)

Hawaiian words most people already know: wiki wiki (go quickly, thanks Wikipedia!), aloha (hello or welcome or love or about 20 other things...), mahalo (thank you), luau (party, traditionally an extended-family outdoor gathering with a big potluck dinner), lanai (porch), ahi (tuna), lei (flower garland), puka shell lei (a necklace made of little snail shells with little holes), pupus (appetizer, usually served as a "pupu platter"), ukulele (Hawaiian stringed instrument like a small guitar), Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas), big kahuna (chief), mana (magic/power), tiki (Hawaiian totem poles), poi (pudding consisting of pounded taro root)

"Aloha, and mahalo for flying Hawaiian Airlines. If you look out the window at the mauka side of the island, an Ohana luau with ono kaukau stay pau. Oh, and there is a hapai wahine making shishis and showing off her okole!"

So why is Hawaiian so much on my mind? Because I've always wanted to name my kids with Hawaiian names. I have a girl name already, can't settle on a boy name. Every time I try to think of one, I remember that my baby will not be Hawaiian. I get mixed feelings. I wonder if it's worth pondering at all. I wonder if my kid will hate me. I get very sad that my kid won't look like me. We chose a donor that was an acceptable appearance match to me. But I will be the first in my Mom's family to have a baby that isn't blonde and blue eyed and a spitting image of myself or my mother as a baby. It's a family tradition!

I just have to remind myself of the things my baby will <i>not</i> inherit: the family crazy, the family linebacker shoulders, the family battle of the bulge, the family suck-ass immune system, any connection to my father...

But will the baby grow up to tan, or just burn and freckle? If out in the sun too long, will some freckles look green? Will there be auburn highlights to the hair? A tendency to blonde around the face?

Is it better to have a baby that looks like me, or an adult child without diabetes? "Snap out of it!"

Decorating without nausea!

Today I put some reminders of the beach around the house. Nothing gives me peace the way that a beach or river can. I put a tiny "Gone to the Beach" sign by the front door,finally put up the framed prints of beach rock arrangements that I've meant to do for about a year, and found a good spot for the momento I picked up in Ocean Shores for the baby. All that weekend it was my hope to find something in one of the shops to commemorate the days we spent happily at the beach with only the news of the pregnancy on our minds. On the last day there, I spotted it at the last stop on my list: a wooden block carved with a Hawaiian turtle petroglyph. It was beachy, it was Hawaiian, the Honu is a mother symbol. It was perfect!

I only wish I could feel more enthusiasm. I had so much energy last weekend, but since then I've just been tired and irritable and nauseated and sore - usually all at the same time. I'm still constantly living in my physical skin, instead of enjoying my anticipated future. There's nothing like physical ailments to keep you grounded in the present.

I'm hoping that this afternoon free of nausea and headaches will be a sign of the energy I'll have this upcoming week. I have so many things to do, and once I throw myself into a project, I know I'll feel better. I just have to not feel like death warmed over so I can start.

Change really is coming

For a few years now my most important life goal, even more than becoming a mommy, has been Seeking Serenity. Developing a place of "inner peace" amidst the chaos of my crazy. As I seek and learn, the goal gets tweaked, refined, redefined. This year I have focused on becoming a better version of myself, someone who looks more like the person I thought I was going to become when I graduated from high school, someone I liked. I have focused on Wellness, calming my anger and bitterness, curbing my pessimism.

I am now motivated to do more than that. Because I have to become a mommy for real. Which means finally becoming an adult. Becoming responsible. I need to set goals and accomplish them. I need to find energy. I need to prepare for not being the center of my own universe. My entire life needs an overhaul: nutrition, exercise, sleep schedule, emotions, chores, responsibilities, preparations... But at the heart of it all, I'm convinced that what really needs to change is the way that I think.

I need to change the Pessimist into an Optimist.

"Ha!" cries my Inner-Pessimist (IP). She smirks, rolls her eyes, and sits in a back corner to watch the imminent disaster. She attempts not to fidget in anticipation of shouting "I told you so!"

My Inner-Optimist (IO) squeals with glee, begins jumping around, and starts begging to go to Babies R Us. She attempts to abstain from painting the nursery purple and cover it with unicorn stickers.

Physical Me (PM) is tired just from hearing about all this. Her breasts hurt and today is day 2000 of a headache. She would like to know who is behind the conspiracy to get women to believe that pregnancy will cause breast tenderness. "Tenderness?!" she rants. "This is pain mother fuckers!"

IO begins to wonder if IP has been working on her ventriloquism - that last bit sounded just like something she would say...

Mysie just wants all this writing in third person to end so she can quit worrying about pronouns. She suspects her new theme song is Guns and Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle."