Change really is coming

For a few years now my most important life goal, even more than becoming a mommy, has been Seeking Serenity. Developing a place of "inner peace" amidst the chaos of my crazy. As I seek and learn, the goal gets tweaked, refined, redefined. This year I have focused on becoming a better version of myself, someone who looks more like the person I thought I was going to become when I graduated from high school, someone I liked. I have focused on Wellness, calming my anger and bitterness, curbing my pessimism.

I am now motivated to do more than that. Because I have to become a mommy for real. Which means finally becoming an adult. Becoming responsible. I need to set goals and accomplish them. I need to find energy. I need to prepare for not being the center of my own universe. My entire life needs an overhaul: nutrition, exercise, sleep schedule, emotions, chores, responsibilities, preparations... But at the heart of it all, I'm convinced that what really needs to change is the way that I think.

I need to change the Pessimist into an Optimist.

"Ha!" cries my Inner-Pessimist (IP). She smirks, rolls her eyes, and sits in a back corner to watch the imminent disaster. She attempts not to fidget in anticipation of shouting "I told you so!"

My Inner-Optimist (IO) squeals with glee, begins jumping around, and starts begging to go to Babies R Us. She attempts to abstain from painting the nursery purple and cover it with unicorn stickers.

Physical Me (PM) is tired just from hearing about all this. Her breasts hurt and today is day 2000 of a headache. She would like to know who is behind the conspiracy to get women to believe that pregnancy will cause breast tenderness. "Tenderness?!" she rants. "This is pain mother fuckers!"

IO begins to wonder if IP has been working on her ventriloquism - that last bit sounded just like something she would say...

Mysie just wants all this writing in third person to end so she can quit worrying about pronouns. She suspects her new theme song is Guns and Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle."