Trying Not To Raise a Princess in a Disney Household

You may have noticed a backlash against princess play in feminism, especially towards Disney. If you missed it, here are some links for a taste of the bitterness.

The Sunday Conversation: Peggy Orenstein, The author of 'Cinderella Ate My Daughter' tells parents to fear the Disney princess
Resist the princesses
Princess Play Vs. Princess Culture: There Is A Difference
Princess Toys Aren’t the Problem – The Lack of Alternatives Are

Well, maybe bitterness isn't exactly what's motivating the authors there, but it certainly helps fuel my battle against anything princess. I'm actually more pissed off about Disney's hand in the rise of the princess than in the concept itself. Because I'm a Disney fan. Until I met my husband-to-be's sister, I was the biggest Disney fan I knew.

This has been hard on my sister-in-law. I made it clear when I was pregnant that I wanted the pink items kept to a minimum. On multiple occasions I have made it clear I want Kailea to have nothing to do with the Disney Princess experience for as long as humanly possible (I know it's an inevitability). She just got back from a trip to Disneyland, and while she was gone I sent her an email that said I knew exactly what she was up to, scouring the stores for Princess gear for my little lass, and would she please refrain and pick something Minnie Mouse instead. She complied, and ribbed me when she came over to present some adorable gifts for the keiki. My mother-in-law was also a recipient of that message, but so far she has been completely silent on the issue - she did show up with a Minnie Mouse onesie for Kai. I understand their frustration with me and my issue, because let's face it, this is my issue. No one is more frustrated than I am.

Frustrated because it's such a difficult task. I love Disney. I own almost all the DVDs, and am fretting on when to let her watch the Princess ones. Frustrated because there is just so much princess gear out there that she would look adorable wearing.

So why, why put myself and my family through this?

The most obvious reason is that I completely resent Disney turning their individual princess characters into one giant Mob of Princess Marketing. Not only are they selling short their characters, but their selling short their merchandise as well: have you noticed how generic and cheap a lot of the art for the Princess line has become? Their smiles are as plastic and rigid as the stuff their tiaras and castles and playsets and furniture and accessories are made from. Part of the magic of Disney is the art, and I do not appreciate the art of the Princess line.

And shame on Disney for leading the charge that segregated our toy stores, with their aisles and aisles of pink merchandise on one side, dark blue and black of Transformers and Batman on the other. Lego dived right in, pumping out themed sets until a person could go bankrupt trying to buy their kid everything. When was the last time you saw a Lego kit that wasn't themed? When was the last time you saw Legos outside of the boy aisles? And then, the horror, they decided to merchandise girl Lego sets. Lego, which used to be your gold standard for non-gender-specific toys.

There are other reasons why I am anti-princess, like what horrific role-models most of them are for little girls: you are special above all others and if you wait long enough, your prince will come to triumph over all of your troubles for you. Disney and most of mainstream media have made leaps and bounds trying to come up with heroines and female characters that break this stereotype. Go Disney! *rolls eyes* They still incorporate every new female character into their Princess line. *glares*

Did I mention I hated the color pink for most of my life, up until just a few years ago? Because I couldn't stand that it was a girl cliché. I also hated being a girl for a few years in elementary school. I refused to wear dresses and skirts, or the color pink. To this day I'm still a jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal who shaves her legs once a month, wears make-up twice a year, and wears heels maybe once every two years. Maybe. All of this is related to one core principal that defines me: I am an individual, I will not be defined by other people's labels, I will not conform to other people's ideas of beauty or ideals or morals or religion or social norms. Nothing much infuriated me more as a young adult than someone looking at me and assuming I didn't swear, I had no sexuality, I had no bad side. I have always hated being pigeonholed, and I will not do that to my daughter.

What if my daughter is a tomboy? What if my daughter is gay? What if my daughter wants to shoot guns and wear Batman costumes around the house? I will not stifle the future possibilities of my daughter by defining her gender for her from birth. She can decide what it means to her to be a girl as she grows up and discovers what is important to her. If she wants princess parties, she'll get them. If she refuses to wear pants or the color black, I'll honor her wishes. Just like I'm not going to tell her she can't be an astronaut when she grows up. Just like I'm not going to define a religion for her. Just like I'm not going to spend her entire life talking about how I can't wait for her to have a huge wedding.

I can do my best to instill my morals and values in my daughter. I can even favor introducing personal joys to her in hopes she'll share them, like 80s music and chocolate and cats and books and writing and looking at the stars. But I will not define her tastes and preferences. I will not dictate what she will and won't like. And that starts by not telling her that girls are princesses that wear pink. It starts by telling her that girls are people who can wear whatever the hell they want and be anyone they want to be.

Doesn't mean I'm not going to dress her up in pink stuff while she's a baby so I can gush over how darned cute she is, or call her pretty every other minute, or hope that magically her life really does turn out like a fairy tale. Just not Disney Princess pink stuff, ok?