You may have noticed a backlash against princess play in feminism, especially towards Disney. If you missed it, here are some links for a taste of the bitterness.
The Sunday Conversation: Peggy Orenstein, The author of 'Cinderella Ate My Daughter' tells parents to fear the Disney princess
Resist the princesses
Princess Play Vs. Princess Culture: There Is A Difference
Princess Toys Aren’t the Problem – The Lack of Alternatives Are
Well, maybe bitterness isn't exactly what's motivating the authors there, but it certainly helps fuel my battle against anything princess. I'm actually more pissed off about Disney's hand in the rise of the princess than in the concept itself. Because I'm a Disney fan. Until I met my husband-to-be's sister, I was the biggest Disney fan I knew.
This has been hard on my sister-in-law. I made it clear when I was pregnant that I wanted the pink items kept to a minimum. On multiple occasions I have made it clear I want Kailea to have nothing to do with the Disney Princess experience for as long as humanly possible (I know it's an inevitability). She just got back from a trip to Disneyland, and while she was gone I sent her an email that said I knew exactly what she was up to, scouring the stores for Princess gear for my little lass, and would she please refrain and pick something Minnie Mouse instead. She complied, and ribbed me when she came over to present some adorable gifts for the keiki. My mother-in-law was also a recipient of that message, but so far she has been completely silent on the issue - she did show up with a Minnie Mouse onesie for Kai. I understand their frustration with me and my issue, because let's face it, this is my issue. No one is more frustrated than I am.
Frustrated because it's such a difficult task. I love Disney. I own almost all the DVDs, and am fretting on when to let her watch the Princess ones. Frustrated because there is just so much princess gear out there that she would look adorable wearing.
So why, why put myself and my family through this?
The most obvious reason is that I completely resent Disney turning their individual princess characters into one giant Mob of Princess Marketing. Not only are they selling short their characters, but their selling short their merchandise as well: have you noticed how generic and cheap a lot of the art for the Princess line has become? Their smiles are as plastic and rigid as the stuff their tiaras and castles and playsets and furniture and accessories are made from. Part of the magic of Disney is the art, and I do not appreciate the art of the Princess line.
And shame on Disney for leading the charge that segregated our toy stores, with their aisles and aisles of pink merchandise on one side, dark blue and black of Transformers and Batman on the other. Lego dived right in, pumping out themed sets until a person could go bankrupt trying to buy their kid everything. When was the last time you saw a Lego kit that wasn't themed? When was the last time you saw Legos outside of the boy aisles? And then, the horror, they decided to merchandise girl Lego sets. Lego, which used to be your gold standard for non-gender-specific toys.
There are other reasons why I am anti-princess, like what horrific role-models most of them are for little girls: you are special above all others and if you wait long enough, your prince will come to triumph over all of your troubles for you. Disney and most of mainstream media have made leaps and bounds trying to come up with heroines and female characters that break this stereotype. Go Disney! *rolls eyes* They still incorporate every new female character into their Princess line. *glares*
Did I mention I hated the color pink for most of my life, up until just a few years ago? Because I couldn't stand that it was a girl cliché. I also hated being a girl for a few years in elementary school. I refused to wear dresses and skirts, or the color pink. To this day I'm still a jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal who shaves her legs once a month, wears make-up twice a year, and wears heels maybe once every two years. Maybe. All of this is related to one core principal that defines me: I am an individual, I will not be defined by other people's labels, I will not conform to other people's ideas of beauty or ideals or morals or religion or social norms. Nothing much infuriated me more as a young adult than someone looking at me and assuming I didn't swear, I had no sexuality, I had no bad side. I have always hated being pigeonholed, and I will not do that to my daughter.
What if my daughter is a tomboy? What if my daughter is gay? What if my daughter wants to shoot guns and wear Batman costumes around the house? I will not stifle the future possibilities of my daughter by defining her gender for her from birth. She can decide what it means to her to be a girl as she grows up and discovers what is important to her. If she wants princess parties, she'll get them. If she refuses to wear pants or the color black, I'll honor her wishes. Just like I'm not going to tell her she can't be an astronaut when she grows up. Just like I'm not going to define a religion for her. Just like I'm not going to spend her entire life talking about how I can't wait for her to have a huge wedding.
I can do my best to instill my morals and values in my daughter. I can even favor introducing personal joys to her in hopes she'll share them, like 80s music and chocolate and cats and books and writing and looking at the stars. But I will not define her tastes and preferences. I will not dictate what she will and won't like. And that starts by not telling her that girls are princesses that wear pink. It starts by telling her that girls are people who can wear whatever the hell they want and be anyone they want to be.
Doesn't mean I'm not going to dress her up in pink stuff while she's a baby so I can gush over how darned cute she is, or call her pretty every other minute, or hope that magically her life really does turn out like a fairy tale. Just not Disney Princess pink stuff, ok?
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
5 Months Old
On Thursday, September 13, Kailea was 5 months old. To celebrate we danced and sang songs and read books and took pictures and had some more yogurt. She also continued to be sick and slightly more grumpy than usual. The day wasn't all roses, but it wasn't all bad either. As sick babies go, Kailea is remarkably easy going.
In five months, the most notable change is just how much bigger she has gotten. She practically fills her co-sleeper now, which used to be so big for her that we would have to bolster her up to ensure she didn't slide down into a ball at the bottom by morning (it has an incline at the head for her reflux problems). Another noticeable change is that the reflux seems to have finally, blessedly, cleared up. It's hard to say if it's 100% gone since she's had some spells since she got sick, but we are pretty sure that's just from the antibiotics-induced-nausea and coughing fits. Another nice turn of events is just how happy she is. She's always been a pretty mellow baby, except when she's not (on or off, there is no middle ground in her moods!). But now she's obviously happy, evidenced by her constant smiles whenever she makes eye contact with anyone. They say that stranger anxiety begins soon, and I am dreading that, because watching her interact so happily with everyone and everything has been such a joy.
As far as activities, we've remained home bodies for the most part, with just the occasional trip to the grocery store. Hopefully this changes soon, now that she's getting over her cold and she's getting more tolerant of not having her every need met instantaneously. Watching her hunger cues has been vital in keeping the meltdowns to a minimum, but it never used to keep them from happening - she would go from normal to hungry to screaming for food in about 60 seconds flat. Now, finally, she typically displays her cues and acts hungry for 5-10 minutes before the screaming begins. Well, except while she's been sick - when there have been no hunger cues because she has been too nauseated to be hungry and we've had some very frustrating days trying to make her eat enough to keep from getting worse.
There were some special activities thrown in: we went to cousin JR's birthday party at the Everett Children's Museum and we spent a weekend in Ocean Shores. She enjoyed the party because she really enjoys noisy, active scenes. She slept though almost the entirety of our afternoon at the beach, but definitely enjoyed the trip as a whole because so many family members were there to cuddle and entertain her.
In the next month, we're going to start the next level of PEPS, do some serious research on starting solids, and have more tummy time in hopes that this inspires her to begin to crawl. There's been a lot of talking from her this weekend, so I'm also anxiously waiting to see what her first real word in English will be.
Kailea Christine Cairns
9/13/12
5 months old
head circumference: 23.5 cm.
body length: 23.5 in.
weight: about 13 lbs.
In five months, the most notable change is just how much bigger she has gotten. She practically fills her co-sleeper now, which used to be so big for her that we would have to bolster her up to ensure she didn't slide down into a ball at the bottom by morning (it has an incline at the head for her reflux problems). Another noticeable change is that the reflux seems to have finally, blessedly, cleared up. It's hard to say if it's 100% gone since she's had some spells since she got sick, but we are pretty sure that's just from the antibiotics-induced-nausea and coughing fits. Another nice turn of events is just how happy she is. She's always been a pretty mellow baby, except when she's not (on or off, there is no middle ground in her moods!). But now she's obviously happy, evidenced by her constant smiles whenever she makes eye contact with anyone. They say that stranger anxiety begins soon, and I am dreading that, because watching her interact so happily with everyone and everything has been such a joy.
As far as activities, we've remained home bodies for the most part, with just the occasional trip to the grocery store. Hopefully this changes soon, now that she's getting over her cold and she's getting more tolerant of not having her every need met instantaneously. Watching her hunger cues has been vital in keeping the meltdowns to a minimum, but it never used to keep them from happening - she would go from normal to hungry to screaming for food in about 60 seconds flat. Now, finally, she typically displays her cues and acts hungry for 5-10 minutes before the screaming begins. Well, except while she's been sick - when there have been no hunger cues because she has been too nauseated to be hungry and we've had some very frustrating days trying to make her eat enough to keep from getting worse.
There were some special activities thrown in: we went to cousin JR's birthday party at the Everett Children's Museum and we spent a weekend in Ocean Shores. She enjoyed the party because she really enjoys noisy, active scenes. She slept though almost the entirety of our afternoon at the beach, but definitely enjoyed the trip as a whole because so many family members were there to cuddle and entertain her.
In the next month, we're going to start the next level of PEPS, do some serious research on starting solids, and have more tummy time in hopes that this inspires her to begin to crawl. There's been a lot of talking from her this weekend, so I'm also anxiously waiting to see what her first real word in English will be.
Kailea Christine Cairns
9/13/12
5 months old
head circumference: 23.5 cm.
body length: 23.5 in.
weight: about 13 lbs.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Milestone: Solid Foods + First Cold
Yesterday, September 12, Kailea had her first "solid food": yogurt. She's been sick for over a week now with a cold, and we think the antibiotics are upsetting her stomach because there was much screaming yesterday when we tried to feed her, and then again when we gave up: she was obviously hungry and upset about it, but just as upset about us trying to feed her. When I called the doctor's office, they suggested trying solids, specifically yogurt because the probiotics of it combats the yucky side effects of the antibiotics. I hate yogurt, so it was a huge coincidence that I actually had some on hand for some upcoming baking.
She really seemed to like the yogurt in the end. The experience was fun for us, watching her reactions, and also fun for her as she seems to enjoy anything new. She responded well to the spoon, wanting to grab it (but still not coordinated to help feed herself) and opening her mouth on most passes. Some of her expressions in the beginning were hilarious - she looked like someone eating something sour and tangy for the first time. Usually it's not quite so easy to gauge her expressions. There was a moment or two when I thought maybe she was going to throw it up, but that quickly passed and she was ready for more.
Much later that night, she did throw up. A really big one all over Daddy. There's no way to tell exactly what set her off, no way to rule out or blame the yogurt, but it's far more likely it was triggered by the bottle feeding Daddy had just given her. She has gotten blissfully better in the spit-up department over the past few weeks, going multiple days without. Unfortunately, when she does spit up, it's usually massive. Luckily for me, it's also usually right after her last feeding of the night so Eric gets to deal with it! It's tempting to just cut out that feeding, but she really needs the calories!
So now I'm guessing it's time to finally break out the research on solid foods. I was hoping to put that off for another few weeks. Life with baby is never what you expect!
She really seemed to like the yogurt in the end. The experience was fun for us, watching her reactions, and also fun for her as she seems to enjoy anything new. She responded well to the spoon, wanting to grab it (but still not coordinated to help feed herself) and opening her mouth on most passes. Some of her expressions in the beginning were hilarious - she looked like someone eating something sour and tangy for the first time. Usually it's not quite so easy to gauge her expressions. There was a moment or two when I thought maybe she was going to throw it up, but that quickly passed and she was ready for more.
Much later that night, she did throw up. A really big one all over Daddy. There's no way to tell exactly what set her off, no way to rule out or blame the yogurt, but it's far more likely it was triggered by the bottle feeding Daddy had just given her. She has gotten blissfully better in the spit-up department over the past few weeks, going multiple days without. Unfortunately, when she does spit up, it's usually massive. Luckily for me, it's also usually right after her last feeding of the night so Eric gets to deal with it! It's tempting to just cut out that feeding, but she really needs the calories!
So now I'm guessing it's time to finally break out the research on solid foods. I was hoping to put that off for another few weeks. Life with baby is never what you expect!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
P-A-D: Days 111 - 117, First Week of August
Day 111: August 1, Missed It
Day 112: August 2, One Last Escape
Now that she's rolling over, we're saying goodbye to swaddling and giving a final salute to Houdini Baby (we can only hope).
Day 113: August 3, I've Got a Secret
I see this picture and I know that in the next moment she falls forward right on her face, but all I see is a sneaky look of a girl trying to keep a secret.
Day 114: August 4, Big Uncle, Little Girl
We went back to Port Orchard to spend a very warm day at the Wilson family BBQ. We spent time with Grandma and Aunt Chris, we met lots of Great Aunts and Great Uncles and new cousins, but the girl was especially photogenic when meeting her Uncle Tony for the first time.
Day 115: August 5, Big Belly Baby
Our little girl fell asleep with just a pair of shorts to cover her diaper thanks to the heat, and for once she looks like she's not the tiniest creature ever. Kind of.
Day 116: August 6, Strike a Pose
We went to a pool party today for our last PEPS meeting and had a blast. I was unsure about going in with her, but in the end I'm so glad we went into the pool together because she loved it. She was very relaxed and almost fell asleep. Here's a picture pre-pool, where I can practically hear her inner-diva calling out that she's ready for her close-up.
Day 117: August 7, Just Chillin' with Daddy
A quick shot of the girl and her Daddy before bed.
Day 112: August 2, One Last Escape
Now that she's rolling over, we're saying goodbye to swaddling and giving a final salute to Houdini Baby (we can only hope).
Day 113: August 3, I've Got a Secret
I see this picture and I know that in the next moment she falls forward right on her face, but all I see is a sneaky look of a girl trying to keep a secret.
Day 114: August 4, Big Uncle, Little Girl
We went back to Port Orchard to spend a very warm day at the Wilson family BBQ. We spent time with Grandma and Aunt Chris, we met lots of Great Aunts and Great Uncles and new cousins, but the girl was especially photogenic when meeting her Uncle Tony for the first time.
Day 115: August 5, Big Belly Baby
Our little girl fell asleep with just a pair of shorts to cover her diaper thanks to the heat, and for once she looks like she's not the tiniest creature ever. Kind of.
Day 116: August 6, Strike a Pose
We went to a pool party today for our last PEPS meeting and had a blast. I was unsure about going in with her, but in the end I'm so glad we went into the pool together because she loved it. She was very relaxed and almost fell asleep. Here's a picture pre-pool, where I can practically hear her inner-diva calling out that she's ready for her close-up.
Day 117: August 7, Just Chillin' with Daddy
A quick shot of the girl and her Daddy before bed.
P-A-D: Days 106 - 110, End of July
Day 106: July 27, Nice Logo
Grandma stopped by for a quick visit before an important dinner meeting, and this time she brought an extra outfit to wear through any spit-ups. Instead of ralphing, Kai seemed very engaged in trying to grab at the World Vision logo. Grandma couldn't wait to tell Grandpa that she seemed to prefer this over the Rotary logo on the other side.
Day 107: July 28, Asleep Again
I just can't resist these pictures of her sleeping. She looks so peaceful and delicate and beautiful. It takes a lot of willpower not to grab her up and plant kisses all over her.
Day 108: July 29, Date Night
We finally had our first couple's night out to celebrate Eric's birthday. Kai had a fun evening with her Aunt Heidi and cousins - who are now pros at playing Keep the Bottle in the Baby's Mouth.
Day 109: July 30, Courting Day
Ethan finally broke out of his shell and asked Kai to go steady.
Day 110: July 31, Daddy's Cutie
Kai is wearing blue for her Daddy's birthday. Truth in advertising, this girl's definitely a cutie!
Grandma stopped by for a quick visit before an important dinner meeting, and this time she brought an extra outfit to wear through any spit-ups. Instead of ralphing, Kai seemed very engaged in trying to grab at the World Vision logo. Grandma couldn't wait to tell Grandpa that she seemed to prefer this over the Rotary logo on the other side.
Day 107: July 28, Asleep Again
I just can't resist these pictures of her sleeping. She looks so peaceful and delicate and beautiful. It takes a lot of willpower not to grab her up and plant kisses all over her.
Day 108: July 29, Date Night
We finally had our first couple's night out to celebrate Eric's birthday. Kai had a fun evening with her Aunt Heidi and cousins - who are now pros at playing Keep the Bottle in the Baby's Mouth.
Day 109: July 30, Courting Day
Ethan finally broke out of his shell and asked Kai to go steady.
Day 110: July 31, Daddy's Cutie
Kai is wearing blue for her Daddy's birthday. Truth in advertising, this girl's definitely a cutie!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
138 days
138 days ago I gave birth to a tiny little baby girl. She has only grown more and more beautiful and vital and engrossing and perfect and time-consuming as the days have flown by.
Did I mention time consuming? I love her to pieces, but I really had no idea just how difficult it was going to be to constantly have another person attached to me. I expected her to sleep more, I expected her to play more, I expected to wear her around the house in a sling, I expected her to enjoy being carried from room to room in a carrier and just be fascinated watching mommy do stuff in front of her instead of with her. I spent months of sleep-deprived nights praying for her to sleep through the night, and now that she does, she makes up for it by not sleeping much during the day and demanding 100% of my attention 100% of the time she is awake.
I am jealous of stories of people going to the movies or trips or just dinner out, and yet I am exhausted after just taking her out for a trip to Babies R Us. Every time I come home from one of these shopping trips, I tell myself I am doing too much, and then the very next day I am either bored to tears or pulling out my hair worrying about the things I should be doing that I can't do because she refuses to let me move more than 2 feet away from her.
I am so busy trying to care for her and myself, yet balance everything else around me, that about the only thing I manage to do regularly is check my email in the morning. I don't blog, I don't Facebook, I don't clean the house, I don't design, I don't read. And yet I read an article about the problems with letting a baby "cry it out" and I'm convinced I am not spending enough time with her.
Lately, I am increasingly sensitive to the mentality that you can do anything, you just have to decide to change your life and *do* it. I am convinced that I need to watch her cues better so I can meet her needs *before* she flips out, but how do I make sure to feed her before she screams for the bottle if I can't even walk away from her long enough to make more milk when she's finally full? I need to eat better to help my overall health and energy levels, not to mention stop the postpartum weight gain, and yet the only food in the house quick enough for me to grab without her wigging out are popsicles and crackers. I need to stop using my laptop in my lap because I am doing serious damage to my back and my wrist in that position, and yet I have no time to clean off any of the spaces where I can use a computer properly.
The only reason our home is not infested with creatures living in our mess and eating our leftovers is because when Eric gets home he spends one hour making sure the important stuff like garbage and dishes and cat litter get taken care of.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, giving myself the worst possible care, ignoring the baby too much, and living completely unhealthy and yet… I feel chained to this way of living that is just making everything worse. My wrist is a perfect metaphor for my life right now: I constantly feel like I need 3 hands, I only have 2 hands, but one of them is seriously injured and I keep using it anyway because I have no choice so it doesn't get any better. I can't grow a 3rd hand let alone do enough to fix my injured one, so… how is anything supposed to get better?
No, this is not one of those "life-lesson" blogs where at the end I wrap everything up and say, "but I have a plan so yay!". No, I'm not on the floor bawling my eyes out either. This is just an update on reality, because sometimes this blog needs to be about me and not have any point except allow me to vent.
Did I mention time consuming? I love her to pieces, but I really had no idea just how difficult it was going to be to constantly have another person attached to me. I expected her to sleep more, I expected her to play more, I expected to wear her around the house in a sling, I expected her to enjoy being carried from room to room in a carrier and just be fascinated watching mommy do stuff in front of her instead of with her. I spent months of sleep-deprived nights praying for her to sleep through the night, and now that she does, she makes up for it by not sleeping much during the day and demanding 100% of my attention 100% of the time she is awake.
I am jealous of stories of people going to the movies or trips or just dinner out, and yet I am exhausted after just taking her out for a trip to Babies R Us. Every time I come home from one of these shopping trips, I tell myself I am doing too much, and then the very next day I am either bored to tears or pulling out my hair worrying about the things I should be doing that I can't do because she refuses to let me move more than 2 feet away from her.
I am so busy trying to care for her and myself, yet balance everything else around me, that about the only thing I manage to do regularly is check my email in the morning. I don't blog, I don't Facebook, I don't clean the house, I don't design, I don't read. And yet I read an article about the problems with letting a baby "cry it out" and I'm convinced I am not spending enough time with her.
Lately, I am increasingly sensitive to the mentality that you can do anything, you just have to decide to change your life and *do* it. I am convinced that I need to watch her cues better so I can meet her needs *before* she flips out, but how do I make sure to feed her before she screams for the bottle if I can't even walk away from her long enough to make more milk when she's finally full? I need to eat better to help my overall health and energy levels, not to mention stop the postpartum weight gain, and yet the only food in the house quick enough for me to grab without her wigging out are popsicles and crackers. I need to stop using my laptop in my lap because I am doing serious damage to my back and my wrist in that position, and yet I have no time to clean off any of the spaces where I can use a computer properly.
The only reason our home is not infested with creatures living in our mess and eating our leftovers is because when Eric gets home he spends one hour making sure the important stuff like garbage and dishes and cat litter get taken care of.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, giving myself the worst possible care, ignoring the baby too much, and living completely unhealthy and yet… I feel chained to this way of living that is just making everything worse. My wrist is a perfect metaphor for my life right now: I constantly feel like I need 3 hands, I only have 2 hands, but one of them is seriously injured and I keep using it anyway because I have no choice so it doesn't get any better. I can't grow a 3rd hand let alone do enough to fix my injured one, so… how is anything supposed to get better?
No, this is not one of those "life-lesson" blogs where at the end I wrap everything up and say, "but I have a plan so yay!". No, I'm not on the floor bawling my eyes out either. This is just an update on reality, because sometimes this blog needs to be about me and not have any point except allow me to vent.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
P-A-D: Day 105, Roll Over
Here's a video of roll-over #2...
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