Trying Not To Raise a Princess in a Disney Household

You may have noticed a backlash against princess play in feminism, especially towards Disney. If you missed it, here are some links for a taste of the bitterness.

The Sunday Conversation: Peggy Orenstein, The author of 'Cinderella Ate My Daughter' tells parents to fear the Disney princess
Resist the princesses
Princess Play Vs. Princess Culture: There Is A Difference
Princess Toys Aren’t the Problem – The Lack of Alternatives Are

Well, maybe bitterness isn't exactly what's motivating the authors there, but it certainly helps fuel my battle against anything princess. I'm actually more pissed off about Disney's hand in the rise of the princess than in the concept itself. Because I'm a Disney fan. Until I met my husband-to-be's sister, I was the biggest Disney fan I knew.

This has been hard on my sister-in-law. I made it clear when I was pregnant that I wanted the pink items kept to a minimum. On multiple occasions I have made it clear I want Kailea to have nothing to do with the Disney Princess experience for as long as humanly possible (I know it's an inevitability). She just got back from a trip to Disneyland, and while she was gone I sent her an email that said I knew exactly what she was up to, scouring the stores for Princess gear for my little lass, and would she please refrain and pick something Minnie Mouse instead. She complied, and ribbed me when she came over to present some adorable gifts for the keiki. My mother-in-law was also a recipient of that message, but so far she has been completely silent on the issue - she did show up with a Minnie Mouse onesie for Kai. I understand their frustration with me and my issue, because let's face it, this is my issue. No one is more frustrated than I am.

Frustrated because it's such a difficult task. I love Disney. I own almost all the DVDs, and am fretting on when to let her watch the Princess ones. Frustrated because there is just so much princess gear out there that she would look adorable wearing.

So why, why put myself and my family through this?

The most obvious reason is that I completely resent Disney turning their individual princess characters into one giant Mob of Princess Marketing. Not only are they selling short their characters, but their selling short their merchandise as well: have you noticed how generic and cheap a lot of the art for the Princess line has become? Their smiles are as plastic and rigid as the stuff their tiaras and castles and playsets and furniture and accessories are made from. Part of the magic of Disney is the art, and I do not appreciate the art of the Princess line.

And shame on Disney for leading the charge that segregated our toy stores, with their aisles and aisles of pink merchandise on one side, dark blue and black of Transformers and Batman on the other. Lego dived right in, pumping out themed sets until a person could go bankrupt trying to buy their kid everything. When was the last time you saw a Lego kit that wasn't themed? When was the last time you saw Legos outside of the boy aisles? And then, the horror, they decided to merchandise girl Lego sets. Lego, which used to be your gold standard for non-gender-specific toys.

There are other reasons why I am anti-princess, like what horrific role-models most of them are for little girls: you are special above all others and if you wait long enough, your prince will come to triumph over all of your troubles for you. Disney and most of mainstream media have made leaps and bounds trying to come up with heroines and female characters that break this stereotype. Go Disney! *rolls eyes* They still incorporate every new female character into their Princess line. *glares*

Did I mention I hated the color pink for most of my life, up until just a few years ago? Because I couldn't stand that it was a girl cliché. I also hated being a girl for a few years in elementary school. I refused to wear dresses and skirts, or the color pink. To this day I'm still a jeans and a t-shirt kinda gal who shaves her legs once a month, wears make-up twice a year, and wears heels maybe once every two years. Maybe. All of this is related to one core principal that defines me: I am an individual, I will not be defined by other people's labels, I will not conform to other people's ideas of beauty or ideals or morals or religion or social norms. Nothing much infuriated me more as a young adult than someone looking at me and assuming I didn't swear, I had no sexuality, I had no bad side. I have always hated being pigeonholed, and I will not do that to my daughter.

What if my daughter is a tomboy? What if my daughter is gay? What if my daughter wants to shoot guns and wear Batman costumes around the house? I will not stifle the future possibilities of my daughter by defining her gender for her from birth. She can decide what it means to her to be a girl as she grows up and discovers what is important to her. If she wants princess parties, she'll get them. If she refuses to wear pants or the color black, I'll honor her wishes. Just like I'm not going to tell her she can't be an astronaut when she grows up. Just like I'm not going to define a religion for her. Just like I'm not going to spend her entire life talking about how I can't wait for her to have a huge wedding.

I can do my best to instill my morals and values in my daughter. I can even favor introducing personal joys to her in hopes she'll share them, like 80s music and chocolate and cats and books and writing and looking at the stars. But I will not define her tastes and preferences. I will not dictate what she will and won't like. And that starts by not telling her that girls are princesses that wear pink. It starts by telling her that girls are people who can wear whatever the hell they want and be anyone they want to be.

Doesn't mean I'm not going to dress her up in pink stuff while she's a baby so I can gush over how darned cute she is, or call her pretty every other minute, or hope that magically her life really does turn out like a fairy tale. Just not Disney Princess pink stuff, ok?

P-A-D: Days 42 - 49, End of May

Once again, I've let the days pile up between blogs. As mentioned in my previous post, my blog is suffering from my sleep deprivation. I even missed a photo: May 27. >.< C'est la vie.

Day 42: May 24, Tummy Time

Kailea does not enjoy Tummy Time. She began screaming about 30 seconds after this picture was taken. So much for 30 minutes a day...

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Day 43: May 25, Exploding Bag of Hand-Me-Downs

Eric has been coming home from game nights with treats since the baby was born, and this time an overly-full bag of hand-me-down baby clothes was included in the gifting. The bag almost immediately tipped over to spill its contents on the table, which I thought would make for an interesting photo-op. Thank you Horstmanhof family!

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Day 44: May 26, Girl asleep... finally!

Sometimes the girl cries uncontrollably, and there's not much reason to it, so there's not much you can do to fix it. We each have our own secret weapon for just such an occasion, which works... about 90% of the time. Eric's is the chest nap.

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Day 45: May 27, *sniff* missed it *sniff*

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Day 46: May 28, Cousins!

Getting cousin J.R. to interact with Kailea was a little easier this time around. Getting him to participate in a group photo, not so much. Good thing he didn't see me there with my camera! Cousin Ashley looks as charming as always.

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Day 47: May 29, My Secret Weapon

Similar in style and effectiveness to Eric's chest nap is my tuck-and-cuddle. The girl finds it very soothing to be hugged against me with her arms trapped, just like a swaddle, but allowing for more skin-to-skin contact.

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Day 48: May 30, Tummy Time Augmentation

This is a Boppy product, a little pillow to help prop her up to give her a little extra advantage in her fight to keep her head up. I think it works because she can see more this way, as her head doesn't have to lay on one side or the other. Her neck muscles are just fine, as she proves on a regular basis when pushing away from us during hugs. We are just having a hard time convincing her to duplicate this while she's on her tummy.

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Day 49: May 31, Cradle 'n Swing

Since she officially hates her bouncer but finds being rocked in her car carrier... agreeable, I thought she might appreciate a swing. The first try didn't go so well, although she did seem fascinated by the mirror ball above her. I think it rocks too fast for her, quite possibly making her queasy, as she started looking like she was having difficulty holding down her foods. The feature I like best about this swing is that you can position it to swing 3 different ways: facing left or right for a front-to-back swing, or facing forward for side-to-side cradle action. I thought the front-to-back swinging would be her thing because it's the same movement she gets when we rock her in the carrier, but she seems to (slightly) prefer the swing rocking side-to-side. She actually fell asleep for a few minutes. Thank you Fisher-Price!

P-A-D: Day 24, Name Banner by J. AustinRyan

Speaking of unnecessary purchases, I love spending at Etsy! Here is a handmade banner designed just for my little Miss Kailea, courtesy of J. AustinRyan. It's absolutely perfect, just like my girl. Is it just me, or is her hair looking a little reddish in this picture?

Unnecessary Spending on Baby

Like most every other American mom-to-be, I had a Baby Registry at a certain giant retail chain store for Babies. The store was so big, with so many offerings, that I made two trips just to add things to the registry, not to mention the countless afternoons I spent online adding things via their website. My Sister-in-Law and I had multiple conversations on the ridiculousness of this enormous industry making money off of mothers and their desire to provide everything possibly for their babies. So much of what is available seems completely unnecessary. But in the end, I purchased plenty of "unnecessary" baby items for my girl. It feels kind of shameful, but most of these purchases turned out to be for the good. Here's a rundown.

HALO SleepSack Micro-Fleece Newborn Disney Swaddle

 I have a love/hate relationship with the HALO brand SleepSack Swaddle. Running it through the wash almost ruined it before it was ever used, warping the velcro and creating a lot of loose threads. Plus, the velcro decided to stick to only the most delicate of other items that it was washed with, almost ruining those as well. When I finally had it looking useable, I almost threw it out - all the velcro seemed dangerously scratchy to be wrapped all around my little girl's so-soft skin. But one night I got desperate: she would not stop fussing, and had Houdinied herself out of multiple attempts to swaddle with blankets. I wrapped her up in this contraption and voila, instantly quieted baby who allowed herself to be bundled off to bed for the night. Now I'm looking in to getting a non-micro-fleece version that we can use during the summer, since this version makes her very, very toasty overnight.

aden + anais Cotton 4 Pack Muslin Swaddle Blanket

I purchased these before I even knew how to swaddle. It seemed a bit presumptuous at the time to invest in four swaddle blankets when my attempts to perform "baby origami" had failed so miserably so far, especially since they weren't the cheapest ones out there. But I love these things now. Yes, they have adorable prints. But they are most definitely the perfect size for swaddling a newborn baby, and the only blankets that so far have had any chance of containing our little Houdini Baby. Plus, they are lightweight enough to use in any weather. Also, they make excellent sun shades...

Eddie Bauer 2 Pack Deluxe RollerShade

These seemed like a good idea at the time. A necessary purchase to be sure! The problem is, they only cover about three-quarters of the passenger door windows they're attach to. The sun is constantly getting in our keiki's eyes, usually when we are stopped at a light and can do nothing about it. The problem really isn't the shade however, but really the configuration of the windows of my Hyundai Santa Fe. The only real solution is to somehow tint those windows. Until then, those muslin swaddle blankets do work wonders, except for blocking the driver from seeing the baby's face in the mirror. Not a bad purchase, just frustratingly inadequate.

Eddie Bauer 2 in 1 Head Support

I was warned about the unnecessity of added head supports like these. But Kailea is so tiny in her car seat, and her head is constantly lolling over to the side at a very uncomfortable-looking angle. These are very easy to move between the car seat and her bouncer, which also gives us problems. She doesn't seem to like them very much - I think they work a little too well for her and her adamant desire to always be able to move all of her body whenever she feels like it (and never when you want her to!). But they definitely do the job!

Munchkin Warm Glow Wipe Warmer

When my online registry suggested I add a wipes warmer to my list, I couldn't believe my eyes. This was the penultimate example of an Unnecessary Baby Product designed by the industry to suck extra dollars away from inexperienced new mothers. Or at least I thought so at the time. Fast forward to weeks of changing diapers on a screaming baby, and it dawned on me that the really blood-curdling screams were always brought on when I introduced the cold baby wipe to her skin. I originally balked at the idea of caving in to The Man, but told myself I would at least look in to how much a wipes warmer costs. On my very next trip out, I discovered that they were only about $20, and bam! it was in the cart. My reward was a non-screaming baby at her next changing. Whoever invented these things, I salute you!

The First Years Babypro Quick Serve Bottle Warmer

After a few weeks of dunking bottles in vats of heated tap water for l-o-o-o-n-g minutes during which our keiki would quickly begin to wail, I remembered that I a bottle warmer tucked away somewhere that just needed to be plugged in and have its instructions deciphered. The instructions were simple, the heating was unbelievably quick, and baby was much happier much more quickly! Of course, this just means that we're reinforcing her need for instant gratification - exampled by her new tendency to cry almost immediately when she's hungry, instead of her previous M.O. of giving us a few minutes of grace period to figure out her hunger cues. Still, I can't fault the warmer - it is wonderful!

Boogie Wipes Original Fresh Scent 30 Count

When I received a free sample of these, I threw them out, as they immediately were in the running for Most Unnecessary Baby Product Ever. Between spit rags and bibs and baby wipes and tissue, was a packet of moistened wipes just for baby's nose really something someone should even consider? Well, after weeks of watching Kailea spit-up through her nose, and watching that little nose get more and more red, I broke down and bought a packet. The end result is she hates having her nose wiped with these just as much as with anything else I try to use, but her nose doesn't get completely dried out and red so quickly. Final judgment: worth the $3.